Wednesday, October 12, 2011


a.) I chose this essay over the other two because I felt it focused and showed the most shared the most about me without being in a conceited way. It also shows how I see myself and my strengths and weaknesses.
b.) I felt that I shared different aspects and events throughout my life to show how I learned to deal or overcome them. 
c.) I feel that I may need to work on my word choice to make the message I am trying to get across stronger and I also need to work on the conclusion to restate the message I am trying to get across. 
d.) Is the message of things things that have happened in my life and how i have overcome or dealt with them stated clearly?

The symbol that I chose that I feel best represents me is a mountain. I chose the mountain as I resemble and relate to many aspects of it. A mountain represents a journey that I am on called “life”. A mountain is strong and stable. I t has many different paths, leading to various parts of the mountain. Not all paths on the mountain will lead to the top. Each path will have its own unique features. Some will lead no where, others will have dangers, obstacles, and struggles to overcome in order to continue on them. These paths represent my journey through life. I may find myself at a dead end and have to retrace my steps back in order to take another path. On another path I may be faced with dangers or obstacles. In my life’s journey these may represent, losing a loved one, or having difficulties achieving my goals or dreams.
Another part of a mountain is water that runs along it. Some water may be in the form of a  calm moving stream, while other waters may rage and be wild and out of control. As I get older I find myself moving from the calm stream, or security of childhood, to the rage and sometimes wildness of crossing over into adulthood, and not having control of everything around me. I struggle everyday with what has recently happened to someone at our school, and how the entire high school has been thrust into the media’s hot spot light. It is hard enough trying to deal with the struggles of becoming an adult when you are made to feel everyday that you have already failed in the adult world.
A mountain represents all the avenues that I will need to be successful in this world.  There will be dead ends and struggles. I will have to be strong and stay pure and gentle like the calm moving stream. I cannot allow things to rage out of control and lose sight of what I want to achieve. I will take chances, need to be motivated, and have faith in order to take the right paths and make the right choices on my climb to the top of the mountain. Once I am there, I will able to see everything around me, and savor my hard fought journey and my achievement


  1. I see an analogy between a mountain--its paths, its streams--and life.

    I would try and replace some repetitive words, "danger and obstacles" and use some more nature vocabulary when describing the stream or mountain.

    Additionally, I would like to see more specific examples in your life which have proven to be difficult to strengthen the metaphor.

    Overall, I like the fact that you are creating a metaphor and adding meaning to your own life, through the imagery and beauty of a mountain.

  2. I see a student who is able to use metaphors in sophisticated fashion. If you choose to use this, you'll likely want to update or edit out the Phoebe reference, as it reads as if it just happened. I wonder if we'll ever reach the top of our mountains. Is the top death? I think this essays work. I'd ask you to think about the overall message you're trying to send here. That might help you tighten up the focus.