tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1979824349150630606.post5931080316064947000..comments2011-11-10T10:15:15.180-08:00Comments on Mary's Blog: Mountainmaryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02326576806074206152noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1979824349150630606.post-45300186690624291192011-10-13T08:30:33.901-07:002011-10-13T08:30:33.901-07:00I see a student who is able to use metaphors in so...I see a student who is able to use metaphors in sophisticated fashion. If you choose to use this, you'll likely want to update or edit out the Phoebe reference, as it reads as if it just happened. I wonder if we'll ever reach the top of our mountains. Is the top death? I think this essays work. I'd ask you to think about the overall message you're trying to send here. That might help you tighten up the focus.Mr. B-Ghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00628569059610320379noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1979824349150630606.post-7162364267299850832011-10-13T07:00:31.448-07:002011-10-13T07:00:31.448-07:00I see an analogy between a mountain--its paths, it...I see an analogy between a mountain--its paths, its streams--and life.<br /><br />I would try and replace some repetitive words, "danger and obstacles" and use some more nature vocabulary when describing the stream or mountain. <br /><br />Additionally, I would like to see more specific examples in your life which have proven to be difficult to strengthen the metaphor.<br /><br />Overall, I like the fact that you are creating a metaphor and adding meaning to your own life, through the imagery and beauty of a mountain.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com