tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1979824349150630606.post6874198417419978586..comments2011-11-10T10:15:15.180-08:00Comments on Mary's Blog: Siddhartha Comes to Americamaryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02326576806074206152noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1979824349150630606.post-78978117548381325412011-11-10T10:15:15.180-08:002011-11-10T10:15:15.180-08:001. I think that you did a really good job with red...1. I think that you did a really good job with red sox scenario. You really incorporated a lot of descriptions about each thing that was going on. I like how you showed Siddhartha's feelings within the story but not taking away from the meaning. <br /><br />2. I thought that you could improve your essay more if you fixed a few grammatical mistakes. Also, if you described how comfortable and suiting the resevior was to Siddhartha, it would be nice if you explained how he was feeling.<br /><br />3. I thought that your textual references really flowed with story. It was really smooth to read over and it all made good sense. You incorporated it very well throughout.<br /><br />4. The first two sentences really popped out because it drew me in as the reader. I wanted to know where you were leaving to go to or coming from. I had so many questions that i wanted to be answered and so i kept reading and most of them were answered. You did an awesome job overall with explaining where you would take Siddhartha and why.maddyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11704039229355683993noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1979824349150630606.post-2975934490502295482011-11-10T05:11:47.056-08:002011-11-10T05:11:47.056-08:00I - I think that the part of your story you did re...I - I think that the part of your story you did really well was the indulgent part. I thought that your descriptions of the Red Sox game let the reader understand what it feels like to actually be there and also it let us know how Siddhartha felt about the atmosphere which is completely different from back home in India. <br /><br />II - I thought that the part you could improve on was the quiet ascetic part of your story. What you could do better was work on the description so we know exactly what kind of place you are taking Siddhartha and also how he would feel about it. I think that you could improve this portion of your story by also checking grammical errors.<br /><br />III - I think that all of your references from the book really flowed into your story and you did a good job with that.<br /><br />VI - Looking back on that first two sentences, i was really interested in continuing on to read the rest of your essay. I was curious as to who Siddhartha was and why you were so excited to see him. Over all i think you did a very good job on your essay and i really got a feel of how Siddhartha felt at both places you brought him too.Jill's bloghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03906380846012549464noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1979824349150630606.post-13497336472536125102011-11-09T17:49:42.790-08:002011-11-09T17:49:42.790-08:00this is a very good essay, it really shows the det...this is a very good essay, it really shows the details of boston and holyoke. these are two great places to bring him, you have great detail and the only thing that i would do to this essay is just add more context with you and siddhartha. that would make it a very complete essay.Matthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09447343006642945229noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1979824349150630606.post-72561082507292516562011-11-09T05:06:44.497-08:002011-11-09T05:06:44.497-08:00Mary, I really liked it. It all fits together real...Mary, I really liked it. It all fits together really well and I think it was well written.Casey Baker's Bloghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15916190062451358040noreply@blogger.com